Unorthodox Jew for a day in Astoria

(originally from September 19, 2008)

The next day I was booked on the movie "Unorthodox" again. This time the location was non other than Astoria, Queens, my neighborhood. Astoria stretches from the border of Woodside all the way to Ditmars blvd. This location was right in between over at 37th st at 30th ave, which was a fifteen minute walk for me! The actual holding area was the Lutheran church which I walk by all the time en route to go to the Mexican place for food.

Our call time was for noon and I left my house at 11:45am! When I got to holding, a couple of my non-union friends were already there. It was still early and the vouchers to fill out were not even there yet, so a friend and I walked over to the food truck which was ALL the way over by 34th and Broadway, which was just about 10 blocks away.

When we finally got to the truck, it was well worth it as they had hot dogs, hamburgers on the grill and sandwiches and wraps all around. We loaded up and got some aluminum foil to wrap our plates for the walk back. Luckily the weather was nice, though it was humid too.

Once we got back to holding more people arrived and the same procedure with getting wigs "stapled" to our heads was in full gear. Since I was on the set the previous day, I knew the system and totally avoided getting a wig and headed straight to wardrobe to get a headscarf.

Unlike the previous day, soon after we got our makeup done and approved the PA called for anyone that was ready to come immediately to set. I though this will be great. You know that the sooner they start, means they want to get this done so you will be wrapped earlier!

The first shoot was over by Parisi Bakery under the N/W elevated train lines. It's an extremely noisy and populated area with all the people and trains going past practically every 5 minutes. They had the Parisi bakery "dressed up" in Hebrew signs, though that did not deter regular patrons who kept walking into the store not aware that it was closed for the day.

The scene that they were creating was a busy intersection of Jews doing their daily business getting bagels and breads for their families etc. So in order to "create" this family feel, they Incorporated Women to portray Mothers and some had "fake" plastic babies with carriages to stroll down the block. Some had real live kids. Now the difference is that the "plastic babies" don't cry or scream and do what they are told. The "real" kids, well do I really need to explain.

As luck would have it, namely my bad luck, the PA calls me over and sees me to be fit with not one child but two screaming children!!!! What do I look like a Mother?? Apparently I do and what hurts me more is that I have NO children of my own to speak of at my age. So not only was it embarrassing when these two kids were crying and screaming, though it felt humiliating and I felt like an even bigger failure then ever before.

To make things even worse, it was humid and I was only a few blocks from my local establishment where I go to imbibe occasionally..okay frequently! The point is these were NOT even my kids and I was SO embarrassed as people passed by and looked upon me as a bad Mother as if I could not control my own kids. They didn't even have to utter a word, I could feel their dismay and disgust with their passive gestures as they scraped by me and giving me "the look". These people didn't know what was really going on.

The worst part was that I tried and tried. I brought out the best kid weapons that the "real" Mother gave to me to calm down the kids. I gave them the animal crackers, the bottle, the stuffed duckie, and the Belly Button book! Nothing. Every time I had to roll around the carriage with those two kids and turn around to go to "Back to one", they felt like I was Kidnapping them and wailed out to their Mommy who was only two feet away!

I got to the point that I couldn't take anymore and I gave the kids back. I told the PA that unless I get a SAG waiver for this, I will not do it anymore. Seconds after I muffled up the courage to stick up for myself, the scene was over and they were moving on to the next location.

The next scene was over by the discount store "Dee and Dee" over by 36th street and Broadway, beside the Croatian bar, Scorpio and the European meat place across the now defunct "America's 99 cent store. The production had the entire two block stretch done up to look like a Jewish neighborhood which included a Pickle store in big barrels for sale.

This involved a "chase scene" where the main actress is carrying her groceries and is running away from a predator and drops her groceries. After stating my discontent about having those two kids, I was placed by a clothing store to pretend I was checking out dresses.

Sounds easy enough though after standing out there for hours under the sweltering sun, I was getting sweaty and tired. Luckily this is a low budget film and they wrapped us the non-union at the 6 hour mark. That was a relief in a way, though when we went back to holding the caterers had a nice food buffet set up, and we were not invited to this feast. I always try to get the food anyways, though it was difficult this time as they had the "Food Nazi" sit by the buffet with a pen and paper marking down anybody heading to the table to eat.

In a way I was glad we were done and since I had no wig on, I quickly gave wardrobe back their stuff, signed out and headed to my local establishment which was only 4 blocks away. I really needed a drink after that ordeal.

I tell ya, it's tough being a Jew, even if it is for a day. Oy Vey!

CA ;(